I've always said that I was never "in the closet." I was never hiding the fact that I was gay; I can't exactly explain it but it was like I wasn't until...I was. I still whole-heartedly believe that, but as I look back on my pre-gay life, I realize that I was holding myself back - there were so many things in life that straight guys weren't supposed to be into, so I kind of hid my interest in them and didn't allow myself to pursue them as interests. It wasn't until recently that I finally started to allow my slightly gay-skewed interests to blossom. Here they are.
The first interest-block that I let go of was my aversion to Glee. Even in the beginning I thought it was a little too stereotypical gay to watch it, but once I did and I was exposed to just one scene of Darren Criss and one song by the flawless Lea Michele, I couldn't resist any longer. I'm still slightly ashamed to admit, though, that often I listen to the Glee version of a song on my iPod more often than the original.
If you see me in person often or are friends with me on Facebook, you probably have noticed that I no longer hold myself back from grabbing every box of $4 drugstore hair dye that I can get my hands on. It's gotten to the point where I don't remember what my natural hair color was and I'm not exactly sure what color my hair is supposed to be right now.
Similar to Glee, I never indulged in Sex & the City until after I chose to be gay. (Joke). In fact I completely believe that if there would have been reruns of the series on E! before the past year or so, I would have been gay a long time ago. I know that watching reruns on basic cable is no way to experience the series, but I believe I have seen every episode that is acceptable to play on regular TV and I must say that Carrie Bradshaw is my idol and I want to be her someday.
Speaking of Carrie Bradshaw, I have decided to no longer stop myself from describing someone or something as "fabulous." Talk about stereotypical, I know, but sometimes there is just no other word. To describe, say, a six-inch fringed platform stiletto, a thigh-length coat with a fur collar or Carrie Bradshaw herself as anything other than fabulous would just be inaccurate. I've always known this and I can't tell you how many times I've stopped myself from uttering the word, even into the last year when I was as gay as I thought I could get. As a result there's a lot of "fabulous" built up inside me. So get ready world.
Other things that fall into the category of too-gay-until-now interests include jorts, hair spray, eye liner and eyebrow tweezing. But the biggest surprise of my gay career so far has been my sudden recognition of the perfectness that is Taylor Swift. If you knew me prior to the past few months and the release of "Red," you've probably heard me rant about how much I hate Taylor Swift, how horrible she is and how all her songs sound like she's just reading a page out of her preteen diary and strumming a guitar. Then when "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," the first single off of Red, was released, I thought maybe my inability to stop listening was just a one-time thing. She got lucky writing a song that was so annoying that it was catchy. But then as she released single after single, I repeatedly surprised myself when I didn't hate them. So then I switched from "I hate everything Taylor Swift says, sings and does" to "I hate Taylor Swift but the singles from her new album are pretty good." Then when the album came out and I couldn't stop listening to it, it changed to "Taylor Swift must really be maturing because I really like her new stuff." And I was content with this. But then as I would periodically hear some of her older music on the radio or coming from my roommate's room, I was taken aback by my lack of hatred. No longer was I gagging at the sound of her voice or making fun of her lyrics (though I do still tend to sing "Ours" and "Mean" as one song because, come on, they are the same song), but I was actually enjoying and on some cases relating to the songs. Maybe it's because now I know what it's like to be a teenage girl crushing on a boy who will never notice me. I guess I'm just a little late in experience what Taylor apparently did when she was 14.
Nowadays you can find me listening to Red, dancing, singing and crying all at the same time, on a daily basis. I can't get enough of "I Knew You Were Trouble" and I sob uncontrollably to "I Almost Do" every single time. So here it is world, I'm caving in. I accept Taylor Swift as my leader and savior and I am never. ever. going. back.
