But seriously.

I don't know if I have ever been 100% honest about anything. It's just an immediate reaction, to treat people like they're stupid and hope that they're not. It's not my fault everyone isn't on the same brainwave as me, is it?

I think the reason I do it is to make myself feel better about myself. I'm not going to be humble and say that I don't think I'm better than other people. I definitely am. Sometimes people think they're on my level and, since I'm a kind soul, I just can't be mean. So to spare the feelings of my loved ones, I lie. I'm not going to sugarcoat it and call it "sarcasm," because we all know that that's just a fancy word for a lie. If you don't know that, I hope you wake up from your little dream and grow up so you can realize that people are not nice; they're selfish and mean and ruthless.
So I lie. It's practice for my prospective career in writing and it's fun for me. The way I tell the lie, with a straight face that is devoid of emotion, is practice for my backup career as a psychopath.

The way I see it, lying is my way of telling the truth to people who are on the same intelligence level as I am. See, I don't just make up lies out of nowhere. I generally make up answers to questions that have obvious or boring answers. If you're not smart enough to know the answer to your own stupid question (or to find out the answer for yourself), you don't deserve a straight answer from me. I'm just trying to help people learn for themselves. I rarely ask questions because I value finding information on my own and I think that's the best way to learn.

Though I don't believe this process is wrong, I think I owe some people some explanations. If you're reading this and recognize any of the following lies, you're smarter now than you were when I told them. If you don't recognize any of them and ask me if you're on the list, my answer will be no.

A list of lies, made right.

My name is not Tres.
Or Garret.
I have never been strangled.
You can't make more than a 5 on an AP test.
That's not your baby.
I've never killed or eaten a person.
I don't hate Glee, I actually really like it.
No, I didn't hear what you said and I don't care.
I'm not sorry and I never have been.

Dress to Impress

I recently came across this (via etiquetteforagentleman.tumblr.com) and I could not disagree more. I may be the only one who feels this way, but the way I see it, the only way a person can be a better person than an attractive person is to be an attractive person who is also a stylish person. Got it?

Frankly, if I see an attractive person, I'm interested in him/her. That's all it takes. I don't care if you're a "good person." Or even an interesting person. I entertain myself enough to get through a conversation. The only purpose of the other person in a conversation is to make myself look good. Mainly because talking to no one seems to be an automatic red flag for some people. Also, because talking to an attractive person makes you look better.

Now onto style. One of the only things that can make me interested in someone else moreso than myself is if they're dressed nicely. Nice clothes get you in the door, but unique, fashionable, edgy clothes will get you in the bed (sorry for being crude...). Not only do good clothes make a person more attractive, they make a person more desirable all around. I'm waiting patiently for the day that I find my style match: someone who understands and challenges my style at the same time and would be willing to discuss my clothes, his/her clothes, other peoples' clothes, next year's clothes, vintage clothes, designer clothes, cheap clothes, celebrities' clothes, etc. Not only would this make a person more visually enticing, but we would actually have something to talk about.