Happy Endings

A friend of mine (Yes, I have friends. Well. Some.), who will remain nameless, recently said to me "You know, Al, college is the time when people are looking for the person they're going to spend the rest of their life with. Yep. So you should think about that."
If you know me at all you could probably guess that I didn't think about it much (you would definitely know that if you can tell who said it). But I did think about it later, probably when I should have been doing homework or something important like that.
The more I thought about it, the more I started to think about how stupid that is. Why should I be looking for forever in every single person I meet? I usually can't even remember people's names. Usually I dread seeing them ever again. I just don't think I should be wasting my college life looking for the person that I'm going to be stuck with for the rest of my life starting at age 19. And I consider myself a nice person, so I'm definitely not trying to cause anyone to suffer through being with me for that long. I'm not even sure I want to spend all those years with myself. Call me a romantic, but I would like to just let it happen. Maybe one day I'll meet someone who just won't leave me alone and we'll spend the rest of our lives together (this is most likely to happen with the aforementioned friend). Until then, why is it so bad to do whatever I want?
I, like other people of my generation, have been taught most of life's lessons through television. Sitcoms taught me that people rarely get married before their mid 30s. And these shows are still running, so the mother and the happy ending may not be found until the characters are in their forties. Or maybe never. And you know what? That's okay. And it's hilarious.
So if staying single for a few extra years (maybe my whole life) leads to the hilarity that occurs on the sitcoms I've been watching, bring it on. And by "bring it on," I mean that every person tryin' to spend the rest of his or her life with me needs to back off. Funny > Happy.

Despite all these feelings, there are a few people I would never turn down if they just said "hey. let's spend the rest of our lives together."

Here's a list of people that I would consider spending the rest of my life with (though some in a completely nonromantic, nonsexual way. I'll let you guess which ones those are), starting right now.
Chelsea Handler. Imagine the mean jokes.
Sofia Vergara. I could listen to that voice forever.
Some guy from my art class last semester. I never spoke to him. Who cares.
Kevin Jonas. And his wife too I guess.
Anyone who will buy me milkshakes and Cheese Nips.
Any kind of bird.
My denim jacket.
Heidi Klum.
Carrie Underwood.
Beyonce's baby.
A skeleton.
Mrs Lovett from Sweeney Todd. Corset and human meat pies? My kind of woman.
Brangelina.
Demi Lovato.

I would keep going but even getting that much was a stretch. All I could think about was my wardrobe.