I don't really hate midgets...

...okay maybe I do. More on that later.

It has recently been brought to my attention that I am a negative person. And by recently, I mean that I've been told this for 19 years and I'm just now choosing to acknowledge it. The only reason now is so special is because I just challenged myself to create a list of things I like and I couldn't think of anything that's not sitting on my desk. And this is just a bunch of shit. I don't even really like it. Well except for the Pepsi cans. I like Pepsi.
BUT as my dedicated readers (of which I'm probably the only one) know, I had no trouble compiling a list of things that I don't like. Newbs, go back to February and check it out.

So I sat down and I said to myself "Garret," (that's what I call myself) I says, "Garret, this is a real problem. Why are you so hateful?"
And after some serious conversation with myself, I came to a conclusion.
Happy and realistic just aren't funny. I can't control what goes on around me, but I can change how I see it and make the best of it. For example, I could look at a midget and feel bad for him. I could feel bad that his little arms probably can't reach above his head or around anyone else's body. I could feel bad that he's probably going to be mistaken for a football a few times in his short (get it?) little life. I could feel bad that no one is going to love him. But I choose not to see those horrible things. If I did, what kind of life would I live? That would be a sad, depressing life only lived by those who do not qualify as human beings (see example).
So when I see a little nugget waddling around, I do what's best for me and ultimately for the world: I make jokes. The way I see it, looking at life the way it is is just sad. And don't get me wrong, this doesn't just apply to midgets. Other common examples include the British, anyone who resembles a witch, lesbians and anyone wearing sweatpants in public.

So if I ever offend you, just know that I am working on making this world a happier place. Midgets, hop off your little pedestals and get over it.