This post is about shoes

I have this dream that one day there will be clothing stores that aren’t divided into “women’s” and “men’s” sections; that there will be a shoe, a shirt, an ensemble, that can be worn without question by any gender. I don’t mean “androgynous” or “unisex;” I’m thinking something more gender-fluid. Like “I, as a designer, had a specific person in mind when I designed this, but wear it if you like it.” I guess it has to do more with the marketing and merchandising than the designing. When you label something “womenswear,” you isolate the product and the company to only a specific part of the market. But what if you entered a store with sections only assigned the labels of “tops,” “bottoms,” (insert crass gay joke here) “shoes,” etc? 

For the past year, I’ve been searching for the perfect pair of shoes. “Searching,” as in, looking for a place to buy them, not aimlessly looking for something to catch my eye, the way I usually shop. This time I have something very specific in mind. I need a new pair of boots. I wore all of mine to death - to the point that every piece is separating from the others. I’m desperately holding on to the combat boots I got from Forever 21 Men almost two years ago, but at this point taking them off y feet involves ripping the soles from the body of the shoe, which is both physically and emotionally painful for both me and the boot. While I would definitely jump at the chance to buy an exact replica of my beloved boots (when they were in their prime), I’ve set my sites on a goal much higher: a pair of boots that seems to only exist in my mind.

You see, I’m looking for a combat boot with a real fashion twist, not unlike my poor suffering leather and suede pair. But I’ve found myself feeling much more confident, much more attractive, much more myself, when I’m wearing something with a lift. If you’ve met me, you know that my confidence boost that comes with the height boost doesn’t come from height insecurities. I am 6’1”, afterall. But something about a hard wooden heel, even of 1.5 inches, makes me stand straighter, more powerful. 

So there it is: the perfect shoe. A brown combat-inspired boot, a touch of suede and a heel of at least 1.5 inches. It’s beautiful in my mind, but impossible to find. For me, at least. 

Whether it was before or after my fantasy developed is unclear, but these perfect boots walked into my life a few months ago. On the feet of my best friend, who happens to be a woman. With my hopes high, I looked into the maker of these boots, only to be not only let down, but heart-broken at the fact that they were only made up to a women’s size 10. I wear a 12. In men’s.

At least I had a start. The shoes exist. Surely some investigative shopping would lead me to a site that caters to larger sizes, even at a higher cost. But so, I’ve been searching for months to no avail. 

So now I’m doomed to continually find Uggs, strappy kitten heels and pleather thigh-highs when I search for extended sizes in the categories of “women’s shoes,” in hope that someday I’ll find, or maybe develop, a line of “shoes” where I can find what I’m looking for.